In my special report, What I Know For Sure: Lessons Learned in 10 Years of Business, I list 75 topic areas that I have bumped into over ten years. Throughout October, I will randomly choose one of the 75 and expound on it. So here’s today’s:

#40 Public speaking is truly the best, most leverageable marketing strategy for service professionals. Trust issues, resistance and skepticism melt away when we see someone in person (for the most part). Nothing else does this like being in the room with your prospects. Get out and speak!

Okay, it’s kind of laughable for me to stuff my opinion on this subject into a single blog post. For those of you who don’t know me, I specialize in teaching a very cutting-edge public speaking training, and for 5 years, have been teaching entrepreneurs to “Speak Free and Profit.” (See ebook to the right of this page and archived posts to learn even more.)

So what *can* I say about this in a paragraph or two? Well, how about this:  some things never change in a wildly changing world. The internet has lulled us into believing we can connect with others through our monitors and iPhones–but the truth is, we still need to experience each other in a live setting. We still crave the connection that is born out of face-to-face, in-person communication. It is not dead, any more than the delicious joy of holding a book in our hands and reading from paper pages is dead. Communing with others live is a delicious joy, too, and as entrepreneurs dedicated to effecting change, we must elevate speaking to the top of our marketing to-do list because it is our job to do what works. Getting people in the room to influence them to act on our world-changing idea, or to purchase something, is just plain being business smart. MUCH smarter than sitting around, waiting for dollars to come out of our Facebook pages.

Speaking is far more “Brain-Sticky” than any other kind of marketing, period. When you speak to a room of people, you have an unprecedented opportunity to remove resistance and doubt and replace it with powerful and long-lasting (if you know what you’re doing) trust and affinity. If you’re a keen observer of human dynamics, you know that an energetic circuit evolves in a room, and a master knows how to use that energy to lift the room to heights of inspiration, hope and empowerment–driving action--and once that has occurred, you have a dozen or thousand new fans who will want more of that experience…in you.

You can’t create this kind of circuit anywhere else. As such a master of live event energy, I’ve tried! You need to get them in the room with you. And they want to be there still, though it’s a tougher task to get them there than it used to be. But as humans, they want to feel the electricity that occurs in the presence of like-minded cohorts, and they want to see you up close and personal.

I always say, “Inspiration sells.” But inspiration gets transmitted best through the energy of live human beings, looking in each other’s eyes, touching each other’s arms, hearing each other’s laughs…and watching you in your grand sincerity and brilliance. Public speaking is, hands down, the most leveragable of all marketing strategies ever conceived. Some things just never change.

Get all 75 tips PLUS much more here! http://inspiredleadershiptraining.com/10Years/report/

And watch for the TOP 10 to be revealed on Halloween…and for great specials to be announced Friday on my birthday!!

There are those who speak with an academic purpose. They
have information that needs to be conveyed.

There are those whose purpose in speaking is to get a result.
A process must be implemented; a change in behavior needs
to occur.

There are those who speak to present a revolutionary idea.
TED talks are famous for this.

And there are those whose purpose is to produce all three.
But without this single element, they’re not likely to succeed
at any of them: Inspiration.

What is inspiration? A dictionary definition is, “Stimulation
of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity.”

I would remove both uses of the word “or.” One is not
inspired if the emotions are not stimulated. So, to convey
information; to get a result; and to present a revolutionary
idea, the audience must feel. And there’s no point in
inspiring if there is no new activity.

So, as the leader of the room, it is essential that you feel.
How do you evoke emotion in yourself around your topic?

Ask yourself, What is the most influential, far-reaching
impact this topic can have?

If you are not getting there, you will not feel the emotion
that, in turn, inspires.

I was working with a successful, international speaker last
week on a new topic. We were circling around the one he
has been giving for years. But as I listened to him,  I knew
it wasn’t engaging him as it should. I knew it wasn’t deep
enough. And I knew that was because it wasn’t addressing
the farthest-reaching impact this speaker could produce. I
asked him, “What final corral are you herding your audience
into?” (By no means did I mean that to be derogatory; it was
simply a visual device I knew would get at the answer that I
wanted.)

I wanted him to see that his current topic had a deeper end-
result than what he has been sharing. There is an ultimate
corral for them that he has not been moving them into. His
current topic was causing him lethargy because he was only
“herding” them into an intermediary corral; it was only going
so-far…but he didn’t realize that was a problem of any kind.
He didn’t know there was corral beyond! It took our session
for him to see that he wasn’t going far enough.

His topic has been on diversity. I asked him, “What is ultimately
possible if a corporate team accepts one another’s differences?”
He said, essentially, that they would be able to “do more as a
group.” I won’t say more about what we came to, as it is now
turning into a proprietary signature talk for him–but what he
saw was that he was stopping too short in the process and as
a result, was not speaking about a topic that was his truest
calling, his truest purpose. As a result, it was causing him to
be stopped short in his passion. He saw that he needed to design
a talk about the “final corral”: the potential of a group.

His voicemail the next day made me laugh: “Guru, Lizabeth!
Master, Expert, Brain-Sticky, Inspired Leader, awesome
Lizabeth! This is one of your most devoted fans. Thank you for
drilling down to what I am SOO passionate about, that I didn’t
even realize was there!”

In order to “stimulate the mind and emotions to a high level
of feeling and activity”—you must do the same for yourself
first. And that will come only when you are speaking about
the “final corral.” It may be very true that you, like my client,
are stopping too short, and short-changing your audience and
the results you could get.

As an Inspired Leader, it’s time to come into your own, and
drill down to your core-most purpose for being on a stage.
Ask yourself, What is the most influential, far-reaching
impact this topic can have?

Be sure to join me on my free 90-minute telecourse next
Monday: Secrets of Impact and Influence: The New Paradigm
of Public Speaking. It’s not your typical free teleclass!
www.bit.ly-sii-teleclass

So, the fear of public speaking is not a fear of speaking, it’s a fear of being humiliated and ridiculed. That is what we fear more than death. Unfortunately, what we fear most, we tend to draw to us. It happened to me years ago. Let me tell you the story.

I was attending a weekend workshop with a public speaking teacher from the west coast. He had talked at another seminar I’d been to the previous month, so when I learned that he was coming to New York, I jumped on the chance to see him more “up close and personal.” Once there, I found myself immediately wanting to impress him [self-importance leads to fear, see previous post]. I knew I was pretty good in front of an audience (even before I learned the New Paradigm techniques I teach today) and I wanted to prove that to him. In addition, someone else was in attendance whom I wanted to impress. Can you see it? I was doomed before I even began because I was focused so narrowly on myself, out of feelings of insecurity.

We were told, once in the seminar, that over the next 48 hours, we would be giving a 20 minute speech for critique. It could be on any subject. As the hours passed, I began to panic. I had no idea what to talk about; I was in the midst of changing the direction of my business and had no strong thoughts formulated yet that could be worked into a speech. I began to over-think and “downshift.” Downshifting is when we move out of our frontal lobes, where we do our higher-thinking processing, and shift down into the old “reptilian” part of the brain, where there is little thinking, only emotion. By Sunday afternoon, I was fully downshifted when it was my turn to speak. 

 
In that state—with a topic I’d conjured just a few minutes before my turn–I gave an interactive presentation that went beyond the scope of a traditional speech. The teacher, who had become a friend and was, as I said, someone I wanted to impress, hated it and held nothing back in a scathing attack that left me—it felt at the time—stripped of dignity. 

There is no question: I was humiliated. I experienced the nightmare everyone tries to avoid when they avoid speaking: public ridicule. 

I left the seminar room for sometime that afternoon and when I returned, I was greeted by compassion and warmth from my peers, but the flame of embarrassment burned all else away.

I tell you this story for a few reasons. One is that it illustrates a powerful force: the self-fulfilling prophecy. This is, I believe, the only reason we will ever actually get ourselves into a humiliating situation: we have all but “ordered it” from the ethers. The fact is, I was so afraid of making a mistake in front of those two idols of mine that I had no choice but to do just that. And what is at the core of these self-fulfilling prophecies? Once again, much too much self-attention. Needing our “self” to be perfect, admirable, important, respected. What we “need” too much, we will destroy.

So, a vital step to being at ease with an audience is reducing your own importance. I help my students move from being speakers to teachers because when we’re teachers, who is important? The ones in the seat, not the one on the stage. Second, you want to acknowledge your neediness because it will sabotage you if it stays unconscious. With awareness, you can summarily dismiss it. The bottom line is, you can only “think yourself” into disaster.

I also tell you this story to make this critical point: Despite that weekend debacle, I teach presenting and speaking skills, and most think I’m pretty good. That weekend didn’t break me. It didn’t diminish me, either. Why? Because I didn’t let it (after a day of processing it, that is.). I experienced everyone’s worst-case public speaking fiasco—but I decided what it meant about me and about my future. The event itself—and the man who critiqued me—had no power to determine that. It was up to me.

And that is the point I want to drive home: nothing can humiliate—or break—you without your consent. You may one day be in a situation as “bad” as the one I was in. If you have a message in you; a business dream to fulfill; change you want to see…you must be willing to let the “worst” happen, knowing it won’t damage you unless you let it.

Years ago, as an empowerment coach, when I felt deep resistance and fear in my clients, I would have them consider their most dreaded future experience, and then have them say aloud, “I am willing to have _________ happen.” They usually choked it out, but they said it. And I would probe deeper: “Why are you willing to have it happen?” And their answer (with my coaching) was, “Because there is nothing I can’t handle.”

And that’s the truth. You can handle any humiliation. Know that. Claim it. Stop stifling your vital communication out of the idea that you will die if you make a mistake. Not only did I not die, I went on to become a teacher of public speaking.

Fear of public speaking is not the problem; it’s a symptom of the problem, which is  the belief that you can be damaged and diminished by someone else or by an event. As long as you believe that, there will be many things you will not do. Public speaking will just be one of them. And day by day, you will leak away the power vested in you to reach your highest potential.

So, I encourage you to do something scary. Tell yourself, “I am willing to be humiliated in front of a group of people.” And ask yourself, “Why are you willing?” You will answer, “Because there is nothing I cannot handle.”

Lizabeth, you may ask yourself, isn’t that creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?? The answer is no. A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs because of fear and resistance—both of which are, unfortunately, magnets for drawing just what you don’t want. Allowing the possibility of humiliation because you know you can handle it comes out of a deep inner power.  Very, very different.

 There is nothing more important than your voice. Do not allow anything to silence it. Ever.

I’m continuing yesterday’s post on this subject because
it continues to be a one that brings otherwise powerful
leaders and experts to their knees.

Yesterday, I put forth the contention that the first step
in getting over the fear of speaking is to stop saying you
are afraid of public speaking–because that’s not accurate.
What you are afraid of is being humiliated–and I outlined
five contributors to this mind-gripping terror. Today,
I am going into some depth with each one. I would love
to hear which one you find has contributed most to your
fears–and what solution you are committed to engaging
so that you get out there with your message!

The 5 Contributors to Fearing Being Humiliated
When Public Speaking

1. We’ve been humiliated publicly. This first issue
is a deep one. We have a primordial reaction to being
shunned publicly—perhaps because throughout history
it has so often meant being ostracized from our clan and
facing life alone. And when it happens to us as a child,
before we’ve learned to engage our reasoning mind to
disengage from our emotionality, the stain of  humiliation
can seem permanent. But only if we allow it to be. As
Eleanor Roosevelt so aptly put it, No one can make you
feel inferior without your consent. And no event defines
who you are unless you let it. You can choose to allow
an experience to define your fragility; you can choose
to allow the past to define your future—but that’s a choice
you’re making. Know that you don’t have to keep yourself
safe anymore. You can handle anything. (See an up-coming
post about my own humiliation years ago.)

2. We’re self-focused, rather than audience-focused.
Rather than giving to the audience, we’re focused on
getting approval from them—which leads to a strong
need to be perfect. Here’s the rub: if we must be perfect,
we’re going to fail because—sit down, if you need to—
we’re not ever going to be perfect. If we feel we must
be perfect but we never will be perfect, we’re in quite
a spot, aren’t we? And ultimately,we know that, which
is what a great deal of the fear is about. So how do you
stop needing to be perfect before an audience? Adjust
your purpose from“needing to get” to “needing to give.”

In the New Paradigm, you are (among many things)
involved with your audience in such a way that you are
not the star, they are. I teach that you are a teacher,
not a speaker, and that shift creates a significant change
in how you view yourself. When you’re there to give
(as teachers are), your self-importance vanishes, and
it is self-importance that fuels fear. You aren’t important,
they are.

Another note on this: it’s also worth accepting that
you’re never going to please everyone. Someone in the
room won’t like you. The question is, Can that be okay
with you?

If it can’t be…why?

Try this tack, too: ask yourself, what’s the worst that
can happen if I forget something—or everything? If the
audience gets up and leaves after the first 10 minutes?
Go through the process of questioning yourself with this.
Answer it the first time. If I forget what I want to say,
the worst thing is I won’t be asked back to speak. And
what’s the worst thing that could happen from that? I’ll
have to find a new group to speak to. And the worst
thing from that? You’ll find, that “the worst”…isn’t.

Finally—if you aren’t perfect? Be self-effacing right
in the moment. People love when speakers acknowledge
their own “mistakes.” Not doing so, however, allows the
awkwardness to “sit in the room,” which isn’t good energy
-management. So, make a joke about yourself and move
on. Your audience will feel what you feel, so the more
confidently and nonchalantly you handle an embarrassing
moment, the more confident they will feel about what you
did, as well.

3. We simply aren’t prepared. Needing to practice
is Public Speaking 101, right? Not for many, many
speakers (especially those who like being in front of
groups; they think their comfort level makes them good,
and often they don’t bother to practice at all.) But even
those who fear speaking don’t realize the incredible power
of knowing their material cold. The greatest fear comes
from not knowing it; that your brain will go blank. So,
practice! Practice in the shower, in the car, doing dishes—
wherever you can. You will walk on the (proverbial) stage
as if you own it when you know your stuff.

4. We’re mimicking “old school” speakers and
presenters. The New Paradigm techniques I teach
tend to mitigate fear because they are so much about
creating energy in the room and being empowered and
self-expressed. But let me share some Old Paradigm
techniques that tend to perpetuate fear: 1) Opening
with your name and a “thank you for coming”—the
first puts an emphasis on you, which will only augment
the fear you already have, and the second puts you in
the weak position of appreciating the audience for taking
the time to list to you—and that insecure stance can
perpetuate fear; 2) “Pouring” information at your
audience from a distance, while they listen quietly—again,
this emphasizes you and your material, which will
increase trepidation and the need to get it right; 3)
Believing you must present yourself as serious and
intellectual—“having to be” anything is going to rattle
your nerves, but feeling you need to appear“important”
is going to send you over the edge; and finally, 4)
Standing behind a podium— physical blockades
symbolize emotional  blockades; the more physical and
emotional distance between you and your audience, the
more nervous you are going to be. Get out from behind
the block and close to your audience.

5. We’re unsure about the value of our message.
Other than being unprepared, little can make us as
nervous as being unsure if others want to hear our message.
I’m not going to give you a pep-talk here; I’m going to
be blunt: make sure it is something they want to
hear. Know your audience. Then, make sure that you
really are giving value. A lot of speakers don’t! They
speak above or below their audiences; they provide
cliché material; they don’t help the audience to see
how it’s valuable in their lives. If you’re nervous about
the value of your message—it may be worth a look. On
the other hand, when you know that you’re giving
extreme value to your audiences, you’ll be chomping
on the bit to give it to them and your nerves will be
jumping for other reasons! That goes back to the giving
vs . getting issue: If you’ve got value to give but you’re
still more focused on getting their approval, fear will
nail you. But giving great value because you can’t wait
to give it? You’ll be irrepressible!

I truly hope these ideas have given you food for thought
because you have a message to get out there!! You cannot
give fear the power any longer. Take over, take control.
Recognize, again, that it is humiliation you fear, not
public speaking.

So, what’s the worst thing that can happen to you if you’re
humiliated? Really dig deep with yourself there and you’ll
find that the “worst” is simply not worth being a slave to
fear any longer, hiding away what you’ve got to say, and
living a life far smaller than you were meant to live.

Nothing is worth that.

According to public polls, the fear of public speaking
trumps fear of death, thereby preventing hundreds of
thousands of messages from being brought into the world
every day. As far as I’m concerned, that death is worse
than any other kind. At no time in history have messages
been more important to deliver than right now. Nothing
should keep them from being heard—least of all fear.

So what is this fear, exactly, and why is it so paralyzing?
Well, the truth is, we’re not afraid of speaking in public.
We are terrified of being humiliated.

It’s a subtle distinction, but a very important one because
one thwarts transformation and the other aids it. What can
you do if you’re “afraid of public speaking” except not speak
in public? But when you speak the truth of it, that you’re
afraid of being humiliated, you can do so much with it!
Like, find out if that fear is true…and worth the silencing of
your message.

I tell my students all the time: your words inform your
world, so watch the words that you use. So stop saying,
“I’m afraid of speaking in public,” and begin saying, “I’m
afraid of being humiliated.” When you recognize the difference,
you’ll see that one does not equal the other. The number of
times you will truly experience humiliation, out of all of the
times you will actually speak, is infinitesimal—if it happens
at all.

This week, I’m going to write several posts on this subject,
but for now, let’s look at what contributes to the paralyzing
idea that you will be humiliated in public, and see if, by
weeks’ end, you can turn that fear around.

What Contributes to Our Fear of Being Humiliated In Public:

1. It’s happened to us. Once upon time, bursting with
   excitement and genius, we bared our psyches only to
   have an adult cut us down, or an event happen, that
   brought our peers to laughter.
2. We’re mimicking “old school” presenters whose
   techniques perpetuate awkwardness before a crowd,
   which in turn leads us to embarrass ourselves.
3. We’re self-focused, making us self-important. Rather
   than focusing on giving to the audience, we’re focused
   on getting approval from them. We feel a strong need
   to be perfect and if we aren’t, we experience shame.
4. We simply aren’t prepared. We don’t know our material
   well enough and we haven’t practiced delivering it.  Once
   in front of a room, we forget, lose our way, and feel deep
   embarrassment because of it.
5. We’re unsure about the value of our message and so
   we under-deliver (or over-deliver), and that insecurity
   leads us, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, to do something
   we so wish we hadn’t, staining us with humiliation.

Tomorrow, I’ll say more about each of these, so stay tuned! In the
meantime, start admitting to yourself that what you’re really afraid
of is being embarrassed–not speaking in public. This will now
put control back in your hands…as you prepare to share the message
you are here to give!